The cold feet checklist
Posted on Feb 21 17
Every girl dreams of finding her perfect man and the proceeding wedding day that will happen in the future to come. While this dream may be shrouded in fantasy and expectation as we grow up, there comes a time in every woman’s life where she realises that the relationship she is in is getting serious and things are about to turn a corner toward marriage.
Marriage is forever, well in most cases at least. With this in mind, you need to be sure that this is the person that you will be happy with for the rest of your life, a certainty in your feeling should be present. It is also quite common for women to feel pressure leading up to the wedding day and the wonderment of whether they have made the right choice in their future partner or not.
Finding Mr Right
When you find that special someone and begin to fall in love, the last thing you are thinking of at that moment is whether or not they will make a great husband but as the relationship grows and you meld your lives together, there will come a time when the question is eventually popped to you.
At that moment, you want to be sure of your decision, this will affect both of you for the rest of your lives and you want to be sure that the decision that you make is the right one, for the both of you. Being prepared for it and not wandering in blindly is paramount to making the right choice, so assess your partner and your potential lives together by answering these few questions before you give your final answer to your expectant husband-to-be.
How do you feel?
Being honest with yourself about your feelings toward your partner is the first place to start. Ask yourself honestly; am I in love with this person, or merely infatuated with them? There’s a big difference between the two and they are easy to confuse. Infatuations are replaced after some time while love is forever. If you think your feelings may be that of infatuation, then take the time to do some more soul-searching to discover if this is the relationship you want for the rest of your life.
Understand your man deeply
As human beings, the only constant in our lives is change. This is true in your forthcoming relationship as a married couple as well. Generally, people keep their personality elements and core values as they develop but predicting how a person will think, love and feel in the future is a pure speculation that you cannot rely on.
Personality traits that are deeply engrained in our minds and our thoughts tend to stay with us for life but there are a couple of points you may want to look at before committing to one another.
Know the Darkside
What are his weaknesses? It’s important to discover these and his fears and he should have a good understanding of yours as well. It is by understanding each other’s weaknesses that you are able to support and help one another through life pitfalls and challenges.
What does he enjoy doing with his spare time and what are his interests? IF you cannot name the exact brand of fishing gut that he prefers, that’s ok, but its good to know that he loves fly-fishing and likes taking regular trips to the lakes to fish with his friends. Knowing these elements of your man will help you from becoming jealous of others that he chooses to spend time with.
Once again, the reverse is also true, if your man does not understand you and your desires and urges, then perhaps you should spend a little more time getting to know one another before popping the question and joining your lives together for all eternity.
The purpose of most marriages is children, the continuation of your legacy and bloodline into the future populace. Knowing each other stance on children is a must before any sort of engagement is announced. For those with previous kids from a previous relationship or marriage, make sure that you both have a clear understanding of the roles they will be playing and the responsibilities involved before you plan your new life together.
The money, honey
In today’s society, no-one wants to raise a family if they are not financially prepared for it, so make sure that your man has ambition and an attitude that matches. You don’t need your man to be the next Bill Gates but it might be wise to check on his thoughts for his career and where he sees himself in the future (besides with you).
Saving your earnings for the future, planning a monthly budget, accommodating a mortgage for the new family home, these are all important factors that need to be discussed. Gone are the days of the finances being the man’s problem, in today’s economy both of you need a full understanding of how you intend to provide for your future together.
There are a few other points to consider as well, do you believe in the same political systems? Can you accept the others counter-point of view? Do you fight regularly and if so, how do you make up? Is he religious? Is he controlling or accepting?
These are all character traits that give you insight on your partner and the potential for them being a good spouse into your future relationship. Make sure that you both understand each other and are able to accept each other’s points of view, failure to do this will lead to the growth of resentment between you in the future and a possible ending of the marriage.
Marriage is a coming together of not just your lives, but your families as well. His relationship with his parents and siblings will be important and will affect your lives together in the future. The same applies to his friends, the closer he is to them, the more they will spill over into your marriage.
The final word
Knowing your partner is something that is absolutely critical to the success and happiness of your future together. Marriage is built on trust, companionship, and love. If all of these factors are not met, then you may want to reconsider saying yes but if he stands up to your expectations, then go right ahead and dive into your new life together, good luck!